Thursday, May 19, 2011

Only in Dilli!

People piss on walls in most of southeast Asia. Its a continent thing.
But where else does this happen:
You see a guy get off his scooter and fly his fly and start painting your boundary wall.You tell him,WTF are you doing,that’s MY wall!
And he says,And?Its my dick!

You know you’re in Saddi Dilli.

Fir there’s OSC.
Opportunistic Seat capture.
When you get off your seat in a bus or train to make space for someone who needs it more than you-like a hot chick.Or an old man or an injured woman.But mostly a hot chick.You do that and someone you hadn’t even realized was there sneaks up like a 24 carat ninja and steals it.And if you recover from the awkwardness of it all and actually ask him to make space,you’re ignored like snowflakes on a mating polar bear.

And people are so annoyed all the time,I mean you smile at someone,especially a girl,just cordially and you get a dragon stare.
A pretty fuckin great poet once wrote-

You smile.
To you,
you’re Richard Branson.
To her,
You’re Marilyn Manson.

That guy was THE truth.

But there lies the amazing-ity of delhi.

Forget DLF Emporio, that shit is overpriced.
SN Market is the place to be. You get Guchchi, Gutchi, Goochi and similar brands that at least do justice to the pronunciation.
That’s not all though, I swear I saw a hawker selling Lois Vitthal T shirt. Thats for all you religious south Indian Superman fans out there.
And there are so many D&G variants available, I wont be surprised if I see a Dholki and Gubbara shirt.

And how many cities in the world have License offices playing Linkin Park’s In the End in the examination centre? One and one only.

Then there’s the most randomest of art installations-Metallic sperms-in the AIIMS flyover area proving that optimus prime and his very large brothers werent born on no cybertron.

Then there’s the phenomena where the street vendor quadruples the price ASA he notices a white guy, without the slightest hint of racism. Its Bisiness.White man good for bisiness.

Sir,oorijnal Ray ban goggles hai,aapke liye sadhe teen saw laga denge.
White guy enters,looks at the glasses curiously.
SIR AUNLY SIX HUNDED RUPIS,ORIJNAL PIECE,BEST MAAL SIR.

Some of that stuff may happen at other places-Bangkok, Karachi or Dhaka or something, but HEY ,I have never been to Bangkok Dhaka OR Karachi. So it doesn’t right?
Half knowledge is a pretty useful thing.